I'M SORRY
For months now I’ve been carrying a secret that I am finding it harder and harder to live with. I’m not a religious person but I’ve thought about confession.
I’ve thought about telephoning the Samaritans but haven’t had the courage.
So, I’ve decided to tell the world here at Smelly Alley. I’m sorry, I apologise to my friends and family in advance for any embarrassment caused; I apologise to my wife who has stood by me through thick and thin; if you choose to leave me darling – I understand.
The truth, nothing but the truth – my palms are sweating now as I type this.
Last election – I voted Conservative – please don’t turn off – please don’t disown me – please please allow me some sympathy – I’m so, so, sorry.
IN MEMORY OF
Paddy Higgins
GID'S NIB
A couple of wrinklies have won £25 Million on the Euro Lottery saying that it's not going to change their lives.
Silly bastards, make them give it back.
2080
Rainy winters snug by the fire, sunny hot summers like Spain growing olives, grapes, lemons and limes; this is climate change - don't listen to them - they're talking bollocks.
HARMAN BACKS BROWN
Harman tells reporters: Like every sturdy knocker, this Country needs a knob and Gordon's the best man for the job.
WELL DONE PIERRE
A big thank you to Pierre, Jean Paul, Luc and Marco, the four Froggie fishermen for starving Britain of goods over the last few days - that's not 'French' at all is it?
HELLO
Please follow one of the many links scattered around to the Orangutan charities.
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